the anti-peace

is not inner war.  it’s a straw.  it’s not an earthquake.  it’s a thin crack in the sidewalk.  it’s not a flood.  it’s a trickle. 

it’s not obvious or confrontational.  it is latent and sneaky. 

it is about missing socks.  and slow computers.  and telling your child something more than once.  it is about secret desires for a different life.  it is about tyring to master this earthly life and always failing.

i lost it a little on sunday.  if my peace is held in a giant see-through jelly bean and if it looks like the color of light then there was a hairline fracture in my jelly bean.  i am not mad at myself.  i am not (overly) disappointed in myself.  i do want to do better.  but i do know it is natural.  that a lesson cannot teach me anything without both failure and success. 

so yesterday i failed and i recognize my weaknesses.  i see some chinks in my jelly bean.  it was highly instructive. 

p.s. i did keep my peace even when my car wouldn’t start even after i replaced the fuel filter … maybe next is the starter … either way i ain’t trippin cuz God will make a way.  i am going to price some starters though.

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