in a thug’s life

the email on sisterhood pasted below arrived in my inbox yesterday evening.  it immediately sucked me in and i found myself identifying with many of the sentiments.  i agree wholeheartedly with the anonymous author that it’s time for us to love each other unconditionally.  and not just black women but all women and all people.  and may i venture so far as to say that as black women and black people we have a cultural pattern of self-hatred that stems from the racism we have endured for hundreds of years.  so, i understand i am also a perpetrator at times of this behavior and it’s not as easy to turn to your sister and love her with a pure heart.  but i believe one day … as for the new film for colored girls … i have already given my preliminary thoughts in an old post but i have just learned that tyler perry did indeed create a new narrative for the movie.  i will see it – one day – maybe on dvd.   as far as i’m concerned tyler perry created a new film loosely based on an old classic.  because in my colored girl eyes the original needs no tampering, refreshing, remixing, or modifications of any kind.  and nikki giovanni was on the radio yesterday sounding militant and repping for hip hop.  nikki is thug life forever.  and i find love in all of these related but unrelated things.



        Something to Read and Think About!

        When I first heard of the movie “For Colored Girls” I
got so excited.  I had the idea of getting as many women together that I
could think of to go see this movie.  I had visions of group discussions
and moments shared with one another that would  lead to healing and
growth, I guess I kind of imagined a Womens Empowerment Conference type
of setting.
        Well after I shared my idea with a few women, reality
set in and I  realized that so many of us wouldn’t be willing to
participate for various reasons: You don’t like me, you don’t care for
somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you
don’t understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie
about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don’t
like crowds, so n so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity  etc…
It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest
critics.  We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others
faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left
to give and then we step over her and call her worthless.  We take the
prettiest women and tear them down for thinking “they are cute” but turn
around and dog the average sista because “she know she should take
better care of herself than that – can’t believe she got a man!” We call
strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody
else’s coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn
around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the
loud mouth woman for “talking to darn much” and likewise torment the
quiet woman for “Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself”
Sad part is we don’t discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!
        I’ve watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for
catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a
man to young Willow Smith for acting to darn grown in her recent video.
All of these females are successful and there is something about each
one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can’t seem to see that.  I
have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to
admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don’t like,
what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along. Why is that we
fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men(only to find
out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be
unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be
out for themselves while other groups unite against us but nobody else
has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other
        Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car,
have good credit, rich handsome husband etc, this does not mean that
should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living
in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS
think the grass is greener on the other side, I had a woman who’s child
father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a
decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I
would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this
overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent.  If I could get
just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my
job because Im the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason
or another to accommodate my child – yeah he could DEFINITELY have his
money if I could have some peace!  Money alone doesn’t make you happy
(not true happiness), good credit doesn’t keep you satisfied, beauty
doesn’t make you any less insecure, fame doesn’t make you less
vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck
up and mean doesn’t keep you warm at night or prevent you from being
        You don’t know how the sista sitting right next to could
have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from
last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could
have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty
bellies.  The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that
today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to
survive past next weekend.  The sista at the office that appears so busy
could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because
she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies
into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have
an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman
that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every
night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood. 
        Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I’m not suggesting that
we all like each other and be phony, But I am asking that we all try to
respect each other.  You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going
through, you don’t know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped
her into who she is today.  We spend so much time trying to be as strong
and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the
inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend
tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show
someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save someone’s
life.  PLEASE don’t be the straw that breaks another woman’s back.
Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs
your smile, your hug, your support, your prayer. 
        I hope that you read this and get something out of it
other than a laugh and that you pass this on to as many women as you can
to let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and that
if need be you are available to listen. Nothing bad is going to happen
if you don’t forward this e-mail but I’d like to think that something
positive will happen if you choose to pass it along.  May favor be
extended to each and everyone of your lives, keep your head up and know
that someone somewhere cares!!!


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