love your do

november 21, 2008 version
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when i was recently going thru it a friend said, “do your art. it’s one thing you can control.” this is all very true. and when your world is out of control we should look to the things we can impact … is that why painting brings me peace? not entirely.

painting brings me peace because i was born to do it. i love to do it. i can control stuff when i cook but i HATE cooking. i can control stuff when i read or give myself a facial but … when i’m painting it’s deeper than control and deeper than a hobby … something clicks inside me. and ideas and gestures and all kinds of shit come to me and i know what to do … i just know. it feels so natural and right … and it’s as if the universe pauses … the birds stop singing … i am in another dimension … time stands still …

they always say … do the thing that you would do for free … do the thing that makes the minutes disappear. yes, sure, ok we’ve heard this and we know it’s true. but many of us just don’t do it.

for me … i wasn’t doing my art cuz of many rationalizations i put myself thru: i won’t make any money … i’m not as good as so and so. it took me 30 years to overcome that kind of thinking.

it was only when i stepped out on faith that i discovered we are SUPPOSED to do what we love DESPITE the physical realities of the earth, IN SPITE of challenges and difficulties because when you follow REAL LOVE … a way opens up. but you will never know i’m speaking truth … till you do it.

and despite how hard my life still is … it’s all worth it cuz i get to do what i love. i don’t know HOW i’ma make it into a painter who earns millions but i believe i will … sometimes i don’t know how i’ma pay the bills … but guess what … I ALWAYS DO. cuz God looks out for me and he WANTS to bless me cuz he WANTS me to KEEP DOING WHAT I LOVE. is this really true? HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA it doesn’t matter if it is empirically prove-able cuz it is what i BELIEVE … and again and again God or the universe keeps working EVERYTHING out for me. i keep having my arms and legs so i can work. i keep waking up in the morning. i keep earning likkle moneys here and there. i keep buying clothes for my daughter. i keep taking myself to restaurants. i keep being able to buy cigarettes, deodorant, shampoo, and garbage bags. you see what i’m saying??

i have come to believe that we each possess a love and a natural gift for SOMETHING. some of us don’t know what our special gift is … but i often find that it’s cuz we don’t think outside the box. if your gift is unique and original what makes you think a job title has been created for it? you will know it’s your thing when you LOVE it and when you DO it time stands still. period. you can deny it. you can avoid it. you can talk shit about it. but you will know in your heart what you love to do. it can be playing video games. sure, that means you have to be more creative about how you’re going to make money at it but i believe that you are still supposed to do it cuz God has a plan that none of us can see which will turn your LOVE into a LIFEtime of happiness.

i just imagine a universe where we ALL do what we love … that shit almost makes my brain explode … it’s so the opposite of what we EXPECT from life and so the opposite of what we see everyday … but i have no problems going against the grain, being the exception, participating in revolutionary thinking, and relentlessly pursuing my happiness.

what about you? do you love what you do?

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